the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

Curled up on the couch, Alanna leafs through her last book on Atlantis. Over the last few hours, she's become something of an expert on the subject. That doesn't mean, however, that she doesn't look up every now and then and wonder when Adam will return. They have much to discuss.

She glances at the door and sighs, reaching for the apple and cinnamon tea near at hand. It's possible she spends more time smelling it than drinking.

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"And she is, and ever will she be.

But you're YOU."

This makes sense in his head.

Quietly, "I know."

But she doesn't look as if she quite understands what he means.

"Ignore me. I just thought you were going to take her because she can't go. It didn't occur to me that she would want to go alone. It should have, but it didn't. Is she going to be okay alone?"

"Figure so. Or maybe she'll take Caspian. I may worry about her being attacked by all powerful beings, but she is a grown woman.

I love you, Alanna. You're-"

He shrugs, and reaches out for her hand.

"I love you," she says in a rush. Blinking rapidly, she squeezes his hand. Her mouth opens, but every time she tries to explain the way old fears had been dredged up in the wake of his run-in with Blodwen, she trips over the words. In the end, she sighs and repeats, "I love you, and I'm sorry."

Then, because she's curious, "I'm what?"

He shrugs, and looks intently down at their hands, twined together.

"I know you get jealous of other-

others. But you're-"

He breaks off in the same place as before, feeling silly.

Alanna sits up, the fingers of her free hand curling around the back of his neck and sifting through his hair as she kisses him firmly.

"I know I shouldn't, I have no reason to get jealous, and it's much better than it used to be, at least."

He kisses her back, keeping their faces close, running his fingers in absent circles along her sides.

"You've no reason to be jealous. You're the only one I want to be with. Hell, you were the first-"

His voice trips over something-

"I was with."

Alanna's breath catches, her mouth falling open again. She replays his words in her head over and over again until she sure there's only one thing he could mean by that.

"I- I was?

"You never told me that."

"I mean, you weren't-"

He stumbles over his words, stopping, embarrassed.

"And then I was-"

He breaks off again, trying to express somehow something he can't.

"And Lucy was my first girlfriend, but we didn't..."

If it's at all possible, it would seem that Adam has melted into the couch out of embarrassment.

Somehow, at some point in the last few minutes, Alanna crawled back into Adam's lap. Her fingers dance over his face, and she gives him a watery smile before another kiss.

"I was the first girl you were with. I knew what you meant. You told me about everything before, remember? When Paul came back?"

She swallows, wrapping herself around him.

"I'm glad. So, so glad."

Even though it makes her want to find Goldy and Morgan in order to kick them in their respective arses.

He lets her kiss him, but bites his lip, confused, as he looks up into her eyes.

"You're glad?"

Brushing his hair back, Alanna nods and slides a little bit closer.

"Aye, I'm glad it was me. I'm glad I followed you home that night. I remember everything, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm glad for every subsequent stubborn look, every stolen kiss and every flash of heat when we'd accidentally or not so accidentally brush up against each other. I'm glad that the next time we were together, it was both wonderfully similar and incredibly different. I'm glad you got under my skin until one day I realized you're home.

I'm glad it was me, but I'm also glad we took our time getting here. Because we're us, and we might not have been otherwise."

He swallows deeply, his breath coming fast, the world seeming to swim around him.

"Oh."

He licks a line across his dry lips.

Having babbled on and on, Alanna feels a little self-conscious and smiles shyly.

"Oh?"

"Oh."

He nods, and smiles, and leans forward to kiss her, and it's like the first time and the last time and every time in between.

"And I'm sorry I did-

that other stuff."

She smiles against his mouth.

"I'm sorry, too." Adopting an almost believable angelic expression, she fixes him with a steady look. "And I'm sorry I almost assaulted you with roast beef."

He can't help but laugh at that, and he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close.

"Do you suppose Thom will ever forgive us for that?"

"Not likely," she laughs. "The list of things he's holding against us is probably pretty lengthy. And I'm sure you know what the most recent addition is."

Adam sighs and leans his head forward, breathing in Alanna's scent as he lifts a finger to run along the chains at her neck line.

"He's just going to have to get used to that one."

Shivering happily, she closes her eyes for a moment, concentrating on his touch.

"Next time I see him, I'm going to get him to talk about it with me."

She sounds very determined.

"I don't think he much wants to talk about it."

The fingers continue to trace circle and absent patterns on her smooth skin.

Stubbornly, "he's going to have to talk about it at some point. Better now than when I'm huge and he suddenly can't ignore that he's going to be an uncle."

She looks up, eyes heavylidded, and runs a finger down his face and neck, slowly brushing back and forth across his collarbone.

"But you know-"

He takes a deep breath in and closes his eyes.

"what'll happen if you push him before he's ready to talk about it."

He has a point.

Alanna swallows hard and nods, leaning forward to press a kiss just above where her fingers trace over his skin.

"True. I won't push, merely make an attempt."

"Okay."

The words is said softly, more whispered in her ear than anything.

"Let me know if you want me there."