the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

By agreement, Alanna and Adam wait a full week following her return before telling the others. Just in case. Each day they visit the ruins. Each day the door is as it was the day before: useless. Myles they tell together, but Alanna asks to tell Raph alone. She owes it to him.

He's not hard to find; he's taken to spending time in the stables the way she did as a child, and it makes her smile until she remembers why she's there.

She clears her throat, letting him know she's behind him, and sits down with saddle oil and a dirty girth.

Some things are hard to say.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Alanna not only finds Raph in the stables, but having a moment with his boy Cloud. Raph is leaning against the wall of Cloud's freshly mucked stall, cutting an apple into slices with a throwing knife. For every slice that Raph eats Cloud gets three.

When Alanna clears her throat both horse and ex-turtle turn to acknowledge her.

"Yo 'Lanna. How goes?"

A closer inspection of Raph's attire shows that he was the one responsible for the mucking.

The cloth is making little headway against the caked sweat and grime; Alanna continues to rub vigorously at it. When she looks up, eyes tired and solemn, she takes in his appearance and the rapidly disappearing apple in his hand, and blows out a breath.

"This girth is filthy."

"Yeah, we can see that. HEY! That one was mine!"

Raph says to the sneaky pony who has just stolen an extra slice of apple.
Damn sneaky ponies.

"Never turn your back on a hungry pony when you're holding an apple in your hand," Alanna advises, tongue-in-cheek. "You might find yourself with fewer fingers."

She does so love to be helpful.

"Anything exciting happen while I was in Corus?"

"Just because I had three before don't mean I'm looking to go back to that now."

He warns the pony before taking a big bite out of what's left of the apple, slicing be damned.

"'Round here? Nah. Been quiet. Kids ain't said shit."

And he means that quite literally. Raph has taken it upon himself to be the sole swearing influence in the triplet's life. Someday they will say, "Shit" and he will be ever so proud.

"I'm certain that won't be the case for long."

Words she would never utter if she knew what was going through his mind. Or maybe she would.

Standing, she drops the girth and cloth on a pile of hay, and sighs.

"I have to tell you something." It sounds ominous.

"I got faith."

He says smirking back at her. Cloud, drawn by the scent of still more apple, nudges at Raph's shoulder. The ninja ex-turtle laughs.

"OH no. There ain't no more for you. You're done, my friend. D. U. N. Done."

The pony isn't taking no for an answer and give Raph's five o'clock shadowed face a lick.

"Hey! Knock it off, Ya' Cheeseball. Me an' Lanna's havin' a heart to heart here. Ain't that right?"

He's smiling as he looks to Alanna.

"What's up?"

The words had been there, just on the tip of her tongue, but then he smiles and she falters, at a loss. She takes a hesitant step forward, looks at him. A moment later, both arms are wrapped around Cloud's neck because she dare not hug Raph.

He looks happy, and she's going to have to ruin everything.

"I'm sorry," she mumbles against the pony's warm fur.

Raph smirks.

"I gotta remember this. Steal food, interrupt, an' somehow still end up comin' out on top. Ain't easy out here for a good guy."

She snorts, lifting her head enough to make a face at him.

"How do you know I was talking to Cloud?"

"What you got to apologize to me for?"

There are so many amusing ways she could answer that question, but it doesn't seem right to make light of things. Not with what she has to say.

Stepping away from the stall, she clasps her hands behind her back and looks him in the eye.

"Rather a lot, it turns out." She swallows audibly. "Raph-

"The door is gone."

"I didn't do it."

Raph has a history of breaking doors that don't open when they should. When they should, meaning When he wants them opened.

"I wasn't suggesting you did," she shoots back, exasperated, running a hand through her hair. "That's not what I meant. The door to Milliways, Raph."

His brow furrows as his smile begins to fade.

"Oookay. So what? There're others, right? Just use those when we're ready."

Doors are like that. They close sometimes. It's not like there aren't any others.

"They're all gone," she reveals quietly. "Jon's, Thayet's, George's. Gone."

Chewing on her lip, she watches him closely and wonders if it would have been wise to take him outside. Goddess knows she'd start yelling, and horses are easily spooked.

"That's why I was away. We checked them all."

It's apparent by his expression that this isn't sinking in.

"Gone, like...closed-gone? Or gone like gone-gone?"

"Gone as in there's nothing but rubble, or a celler, or a royal closet on the other side."

Her frown deepens.

"Do you understand? We have no way back to the bar," she says, voice breaking at the end.

No. No he doesn't understand. He doesn't want to understand because what she's saying doesn't make any sense.

Being BOUND is what happens to other people, not them...and more importantly not him.

"That ain't possible. There's always a door, you just can't find it."

"I've looked everywhere I can think to look!" she snaps. "But you're welcome to try. Goddess willing, you'll have more success."

Folding her arms, she glares off over his shoulder.

"In the meantime," she continues slowly, "we are stuck."

Those last three words are the ones that find purchase in his mind and don't let go.

We
Are
Stuck.

Suddenly Raph isn't just leisurely leaning against the wall of Cloud's stall, he's depending on it to keep himself upright.

He wants to get angry. Oh how more than just about anything would he love to get angry, but there's nothing to get angry at, not yet. Sooner or later something will present itself -- the air, this land, himself -- but for the time being he's just reeling from the shock of it all.

"...this...this ain't happenin'."

Alanna's been dreading this look on his face. For a while, she fooled herself into thinking that knowing it was coming would make it easier. It doesn't.

Anger, frustration and impatience drain away, leaving her sad and weary. She's tempted to throw her arms around the pony again.

"Maybe," she starts, then swallows. "Maybe it will still let you through."

She doesn't sound particularly convinced.

The first thunk is the sound of Raph's head falling back to rest on the wall.

"Ain't fuckin' likely. I can only ever get a door to New York, and if you ain't got a door at all...then...then I ain't..."

The second THUNK is his fist slamming backwards.

"Don't spook the horses," Alanna demands sharply. "I can find you other things to hit."

It's a roundabout way of suggesting a therapeutic fight. She's certainly been spoiling for one since she found out.

"We don't know that it's permanent. Once we don't return, I'm sure Mike..."

Trailing off, she bites her lip hard.

He sighs dramatically, as if her request makes him the most put upon ex-turtle in the land.

Which...it technically kind of does, for a given level of put upon.

"You're sure Mike'll what? Be distracted by shiney things? Yeah, that's pretty much a given. An' even if he ain't, what's he gonna do about it. Everyone we know from here is here."

The anger begins form.

That's an angle she hadn't truly considered. Agitated, she paces back and forth before the stall.

"He's Barman! Couldn't he do something?" She frowns. "He would --will-- if he could."

"Yeah right. Sure he will. When and if he notices."

Raph's just venting. He doesn't really hold his youngest brother responsible for the fact that he was left in a hospital laboratory for a couple of months.

"An' then when he finally does? He'll bake us frickin' cookies."

Silence.

Then, "He makes excellent cookies."

She sounds morose.

Again he sighs, only this time it's more resignation than anything else.

"yeah he does."

Raph manges to unclench his hand long enough to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Well what the fuck do we do now?"

"The same thing we were doing, I suppose."

Alanna sits down heavily. She'd never admit as much to Raph, but if she had to get stuck, she thanks the Goddess it was on this side of the door.

"I still say this can't possibly be permanent, but," and she pauses, "if we can't get back, we'll need to think of a better story for you after a few months. 'Family friend' won't work long-term."

In conclusion: Cousin.

Okay, that gets his attention.

"Why? You guys ain't allowed to have friends or somethin'?"

"It's not that," Alanna shakes her head. "You'd have your own fief. Your own history."

There are times when she is guilty of forgetting that not everyone is born a noble.

"If you were a distant family member, no one would question your residence here. Or," and it must be said, "our close association."

"Wait wait wait...hold up a sec. The truth of me bein' a friend ain't good enough because we can't keep up the lie, so we gotta lie to make things look more like the truth?"

Confusion, thy name is Raph.

"Welcome to court politics." It's very dry. "Sometimes a lie is necessary so that you might live as you wish.

"But it's nothing we have to worry about immediately," she stresses.

"That's fucked up."

Ever matter of fact. Raph decides he needs to sit down, and eyes a stool just a short limp away. It's not until his back is to Alanna that he speaks again.

"You know, it ain't no problem for me to like...go elsewhere. If my bein' here's gonna make things all piss an' vinegar for you, I mean."

Behind him, she rolls her eyes. She can't believe that after all this time, he's pulling such a line on her.

But she knows how to fight back.

"Don't be ridiculous," she retorts, gruffly. "I can handle the gossip one way or another. It's just that it's no trouble to call you family because you might as well be." A rustle of fabric indicates a shrug. "Goddess knows you're insane enough to fit in."

The sound is a little bit sigh and a tiny bit chuckle, but not really a whole lot of either.

"Could say the same 'bout you an' my family too, 'Lanna. i needa drink."

Alanna studies him for a moment.

"That I can help with," she tells him. "Would you prefer the tavern or a more private setting?"

"yes."

Says Raph finally, after deciding that anymore thinking on his part would only cause him more pain.

Another look.

"Tavern first, then."

It'll be a long night. Alanna gives him a nod and marches outside. He'll follow when he's ready.

When he hears her moving out of earshot he allows himself to slump even further.

"fuck"

It's not that Raph doesn't like being here.
It's more that he doesn't like to be trapped.

Amazing how one can feel so trapped, so claustrophobic, with an entire world of possibilities.

His hand balls into a fist. Oh how he wants to hit something. Something stationary. Something that'll hurt. That's when Cloud snuffles, and Raph remembers that spooking the horses would be bad.

With another sigh he stands. Whether the outpouring of profanity is from standing process or the situation in which he finds himself...we'll never know.

He blows the hair out of his face, checks to see that Cloud is secured, and then makes to follow Alanna's path. Limping all the way, of course.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only