the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

They didn't return in the evening, as planned. Neither twin had felt up to the long walk. No one had detected their presence, so they risked spending another night, stretched out on the large blanket under the stars.

Midmorning, Adam returns to the castle to retrieve the triplets, while Alanna and Thom walk to the ruins.

It's a typical spring day in the Barony, warm and breezy and full of color; color they never saw growing up in Trebond. Mostly they saw the color of rock and dark forest. Alanna pulls a leaf off a low hanging branch as they walk, absently tapping it against her mouth.

They haven't spoken much, and she's still not sure what to say.

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Thom's gaze travels, rather cold, over the old stones; he says, after a minute, "I would have been really excited about coming here once."

"I certainly was," she tells him, still avoiding his eyes. She points between two marble walls and stops. "I found Lightning through there."

"That's right," says Thom. "And you lied about it."

"To Roger," she says slowly, her sharp glance landing on his hair, red and full and just like it had been before. "Well, I didn't exactly tell everyone that I almost died here, and it saved me."

"You told me."

He grins at her.

"Of course I told you."

But there had been so many lies, when she hadn't wanted to lie to anyone.

"It all seems like-" She quickly stifles another lifetime. "-so long ago."

"We're old now."

Thom nudges her in the side with his elbow.

Alanna snorts, suspecting what he wants to hear.

"And now I'm technically three years older than you. Good thing you were prettier anyway."

Seriously, Thom advises, "The secret is not letting people hit you with swords or blunt objects as often."

"I suppose," she says, sounding unconvinced, "but that's no fun."

Walking another few steps, she kicks at a loose stone.

"I don't know how I made the sacrifice, frankly."

Alanna gives a light, unnerved laugh, turning slightly with her fists clenched at her sides.

She doesn't want to go back yet, not without some acknowledgment for the huge weight of this moment. There are things to say.

"How are you feeling?" she asks, finally meeting his eyes.

Thom protests, "I don't have any feelings."

By way of an answer, she flicks his forehead -- gently, him being so newly alive and all.

"I still have a headache."

She looks it.

"If we go back, Adam can help you with that."

Thom rubs his forehead with the back of his hand, his sleeve pulled up over it.

She watches him in silence, as long as she can stand it.

"This is it. The last you'll see of Tortall," she blurts out. "I-

"Part of me wishes you could stay."

It's a near whisper, this acknowledgment of weakness.

He steps back and looks at her.

After a moment's silence, his voice calm and inflectionless, he says, not looking away, "If all of you wanted me to stay, I'd stay even if I had to live in your closet."

She makes a strangled noise.

"And if I weren't already walking such a thin line between right and wrong, I might just ask you to."

There are tears in her eyes when she looks up, but they don't fall. She has no illusions about what she's done.

Thom says, "You really think the Goddess would mind?"

He gives her one of his thin, conscious half-smiles.

"Yes," she says softly. "Besides, I couldn't run the risk that you'd be discovered."

Again she wonders if there had been any mages close enough to Trebond to feel the effects of her spell. Hopefully not.

He draws closer and, a little awkwardly, puts a thin arm around her waist.

"So much for a life of secrecy."

Less awkwardly, she wraps both of her arms around his thin torso, thinking that he feels much as he did back then.

"But you're alive," she says, wonderingly. "Alive."

It's lovely to say, and her grip tightens.

The mental quotation marks around 'life' can end now.

Thom bites down hard on his lip.

Then, lowering his eyes, "Is it OK to be scared about this?"

"Yes," she whispers fiercely near his ear, "it is. But that's why you have me."

"At least," he says, "if I have second thoughts, it's easy to fix."

She backs away, taking his hand in hers and holding on tight, strength born of sudden fear.

"Don't say that."

Thom grins. "Don't worry -- I wouldn't waste all your hard work."

He knocks lightly on her head. "Or mine, getting you to learn that stuff."

"I did very well," she says, stubbornly, and waves a hand at his head. "You don't have two heads or any extra limbs."

"You did better than I did," he says.

"You know, you're the fourth person in the history of everything to do what you did."

"Only because you taught me what to do differently," she points out.

There's a rush of pleasure at his words, but then she's torn between pride and shame.

"I wonder what Roger would think," Alanna says, then wishes she hadn't.

"What Roger would think of you, or of me?" asks Thom.

"The situation."

It's not hard to imagine him throwing Alanna's own words back at her: It's so depressing to come back and find one's work reversed.

"I think he always underestimated us."

"I'm not so sure about that."

Thom pauses.

"I know you don't want to hear this -- or agree -- but I miss him sometimes."

"I thought you didn't have any feelings."

Alanna focuses her attention on the black door that will lead them to Milliways.

"I know," she admits, quietly. "I wish that would change. For your sake."

What else is there to say?

"No feelings," he agrees. "Just ambition."

"Shall we?"

"Aye."

Squeezing his hand, she looks back and smiles, a little happy and a little sad.

"But only if you promise me something first."

"What do you want?"

Alanna smirks, a familiar look in her eye, and they might as well be ten years old again.

"Promise me I'll always be your favorite sister?"

"I dunno," says Thom. "My other sister is way nicer."

"Now that you mention it, you're not my favorite brother, either. The other one is much, much more attractive. Better fashion sense, too."

She knocks her shoulder against his and starts picking her way over stones to the door.

"Thanks a lot."

He sniffs, and follows her closely.

She stops just short of the door and turns to hug her brother one last time. In Tortall, anyway.

"You're welcome," she says simply, taking his hand and pulling him through.

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