the_lioness | (no subject)

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I will be a stronger person for it.

Trudging wearily down the staff hallway, following as Adam leads the way to their quarters, Alanna repeats the words to herself over and over. The doctor's orders certainly hadn't been a surprise, and it's only because she has been so quiet for the last couple of months that they weren't issued before now. She expected this, but there's still a dull, hollow sort of feeling in her chest.

Adam unlocks the door; she slowly walks inside, concentrating on the feel of the floor beneath her feet.

I will handle this with grace and dignity.

And pigs might fly.

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Grace and dignity, perhaps, but Adam's starting to think she may be handling it by tearing him to pieces, limb by limb. He gives her hand a squeeze and offers up a weak smile as he puts the reddened hand in his pocket.

"I'll... get you a pillow?"

Bemused, she glances at her stiff fingers. She hadn't realized she'd been holding on so tightly.

"The bed already has pillows," Alanna points out, giving him an apologetic smile. "And that is where I am bound."

Fatalistic attitude aside, her smile is genuine. It's not Adam's fault. Well, it's partially his fault, but she's prepared to be magnanimous. Sighing, Alanna shuffles toward the bedroom and immediately begins looking for something comfortable to wear.

Adam would be quick to point out that his family is certainly not the one that carries the multiples.

...okay, no, he wouldn't be quick to point that out at all, because even pregnant, she'd probably be bound to injur him for it.

"Tea? Something to eat?" He shifts awkwardly.

Of course she wouldn't. Most of the heavy things have been moved out of her reach.

"Biscuits?" she asks hopefully, pulling an oversized shirt out of the closet. "And tea."

Twisting the fabric in her hands, she really looks at him for the first time since their return.

"I'm not going to... go crazy or anything. I'm all right."

That's because Adam is smart. He doesn't move for the tea and biscuits, but instead takes her hand again (lightly) and walks with her to the bed. He works her shoes off and rubs at her feet just a little.

"I know."

Alanna lets out a blissful sigh and smiles, eyes sliding shut. Adam is smart. Perhaps more importantly, Adam has figured out how to soothe the savage beast, so to speak. Because Alanna may be convinced she's handling this well at the moment, but she's not under the covers yet.

"You look nervous," she murmurs and slowly opens her eyes again. "I'm sorry I lost my temper when she told us."

A momentary lapse.

Momentary, perhaps, but the other patients will likely remember the screaming for the rest of their lives, telling the story at dinner parties.

The covers will come soon enough.

"It was understandable, I think."

Alanna does like to make an impression.

"Perhaps, but it wasn't terribly well done of me," and she still looks a little embarrassed. "I didn't mean what I said about clobbering you with the books on how to survive bed rest. It's not your fault. Besides, I love your head. I don't want to dent it."

She flashes an impish grin, leans forward and trails a finger down his neck. It's the only part of him she can reach.

Letting out a sigh, he leans over and gives her a light kiss.

"I know you didn't mean it. And I didn't mean the part about tying you to the bed."

Her lips twitch.

"Pity," is her blithe response. "I was rather hoping that was a promise, not a threat."

The smile now is large, and real, and he gives her another kiss.

"AFTER."

"After," she agrees, pressing her lips to his in a kiss that's as much a promise as anything else. "After, I will gladly stay in bed as long as you see fit to keep me here."

It's different when it's by choice, she thinks. Biting her lip, Alanna settles back against the pillows and looks out the window. They rearranged things so she can, and not a day goes by that she isn't thankful for it.

"It's going to be hard to keep from asking you to fix me again," she says softly.

He lays down with her, he can do at least that much, for now.

"I'm not really sure there's much to fix here, s'all."

She shakes her head, absently running her fingers up and down his arm.

"Following the cear... cesario... After they cut them out. I'm going to be eager to get back in shape again."

For many reasons. Judging by the look in her eye, it's a problem she will tackle as soon as is humanly possible.

Oh.

He sighs again, closes his eyes.

"Well, we'll come to that when we come to that, I guess."

Alanna turns her head to watch him, her expression softening.

"It won't be a problem, Adam. I just remember how it felt last time. This isn't something we can hurry, especially since I'll be feeding them." Dryly, "Remind me of that when I'm lying uselessly in a hospital bed."

She kisses the back of his hand.

"I haven't had word from Jon. I wonder if the star is still there."

"I will."

Repeatedly. And he'll have the doctor do so, as well.

"It must have been strange."

"Very," she confirms. "It was huge and almost blood red. I don't know much about Ozorne, but something tells me I'm not going to like the man."

A reflexive shiver goes through her body.

"I just can't shake the feeling that I should be doing something about it," said very quietly.

Just as quiet -- "There are things you can do from here."

With little to no warning, she kicks a stack of papers on the floor.

"I suppose," she says sullenly. "I'm certainly going to study up on him, that's for sure. He's supposed to be very powerful."

Alanna sighs.

"Jon has probably been too busy to send word. I wish you could have seen his face when Thayet told him."

Change of subject! Adam grabs it like a drowning man.

"I suppose it wasn't anything like mine, was it? Was anybody dropped?"

Never let it be said that Alanna doesn't throw him a bone from time to time. She snorts, then giggles.

"No dropping, nor did he roll off any pieces of furniture in surprise. I tried to convince Thayet that she should tell him it's twins, just for laughs, but she seemed inclined to disagree."

"I think likely she didn't want to give her husband a heart attack."

Alanna quirks an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look.

"You survived, and that was news of triplets!"

Clearly, her expression says, Adam is the braver man. Or something. She picks nervously at the blanket, eyes scanning the room as if she's seeing it for the first time.

"I put a sign on the bulletin board," she confesses. "Telling people I'm here if they need me. Maybe I'll get visitors."

That was... a lot more than Adam would have thought of.

"I'm sure you will. And we'll find things for you to do."

"Like?"

She nudges his side.

"Eating, I'm sure. Sleeping. Watching the sun set."

"Reading? Movies? Games?"

"Games," she repeats slowly. "Games might not be bad."

Particularly if she gets to vicariously beat something up.

"You don't have to stay with me all the time, you know. There's no sense in both of us feeling cooped up."

Just wait until she gets her hands on the PS2.

"I know. But I'm not going to desert you, leaving you to your wretched fate."

Alanna makes a face at him, then catches herself smiling and turns it into a frown.

"Wretched is right. Some people may enjoy being waited on hand and foot, but I'm not one of them."

She blinks.

"Well, it's not entirely bad. So long as it's you. Although, should you ever be particularly cross with Thom, feel free to send him in as a replacement."

"I-"

Thom. Oh. Right.

"I think I'd enjoy that."

And maybe there's an evil glint in his eye.

"I thought you might," she says with an answering mischievous look. "Imagining Thom as a nursemaid certainly lightens my mood."

Alanna goes quiet, a corner of her mouth tilted up, and kisses the back of his hand.

"I don't think he's going to come with us when it's time."

There's silence, for a while, as Adam contemplates Alanna's lips.

"No?"

"No."

She swallows, thinking about her brother, and turns her head so Adam can't see the emotion in her eyes.

"He hasn't mellowed any," she says mildly. "About the babies. I'm not going to press him about it. He'll see us when we return, and he is doing something important for me, so I'm not angry. He's not going to change, nor can I expect him to."

"No. I guess not."

He smiles lightly and reaches out to squeeze her hand.

Alanna blinks back tears. It's starting to set in, and she has certainly been more emotional than usual as of late. Squeezing back, she settles further into the pillows and sighs morosely.

Being trapped in bed twice in one year is more than any sane -- or moderately sane -- person can handle, she thinks.

But maybe she will be a stronger person for it.

"I love you," she mumbles. "I'm glad you aren't deserting, because I really wouldn't get any satisfaction out of hunting you down and denting that head of yours." Beat. "At least we have plenty of time to pick out names."

She keeps a lengthy list of her suggestions beside the bed.

He puffs out his chest and dons a deep tone. "I've told you time and again, we're not naming our son Butterfly."

Snickering, Alanna flutters her lashes.

"Perhaps Dragonfly? It's awfully pretty."

She smiles and drops her head on his shoulder, suddenly grateful that he doesn't take her seriously.

He laughs, feeling his voice reverberate around the room. There's a short silence, and he puts his hand on her stomach.

Alanna thinks about sending the list to Jon. No doubt he would kill her for it, but it might be worthwhile.

Lifting her head a little, she watches his hand.

"They must be tired today." Another silence, and her hand joins his. "Remember when you were nervous about doing this?"

"It feels like it was forever ago."

She gives him a look.

"And you're not the one carrying them," she snorts. "Although I suppose you have to put up with enough."

To put it mildly. Relenting, she smiles.

"I'm sure this will feel like forever ago after they are born."

"Time passes so quickly."

"It does," Alanna says, though she silently wishes this next month or so would pass even more quickly.

There's a quiet, grumpy moment. It passes.

"Thanks, Adam," she whispers, squeezing his hand and closing her eyes.

For what?, he'd ask.

or maybe say, It's nothing.

But instead, he holds he hand, and he lays with her.

He's here, and that's definitely something.

Alanna can't curl up next to him or drape herself over his chest like she used to, but she can still hold his hand. It's the last thought that goes through her head as she drifts off.

Along with 'biscuits,' but those can wait.

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