Alanna of Trebond (
the_lioness) wrote2006-07-19 10:42 am
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Silence. Blessed silence, Alanna thinks, stretched out on her stomach with her face mostly buried in a pillow. A breeze shifts the curtains, and Alanna groans, squeezing her eyes shut tight against the light.
By all accounts, it has been a busy week. Most of it was spent in Corus, assisting with wedding preparations and attempting to locate food for the masses. At Raoul’s suggestion, the wedding feast would be far less extravagant than any royal wedding in recent history, but it still grates on Alanna's nerves.
However, she's not going to worry about that today. They have at least twenty-four hours before she's due back, and for now, she's going to revel in the silence.
Until she gets bored.
By all accounts, it has been a busy week. Most of it was spent in Corus, assisting with wedding preparations and attempting to locate food for the masses. At Raoul’s suggestion, the wedding feast would be far less extravagant than any royal wedding in recent history, but it still grates on Alanna's nerves.
However, she's not going to worry about that today. They have at least twenty-four hours before she's due back, and for now, she's going to revel in the silence.
Until she gets bored.

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"Penny for your thoughts."
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"I've a few pennies, if you like."
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"Adam! Stop. I have a-"
She swallows.
"-headache," she finishes, turning to glower in his direction. "What would I do with pennies?"
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"Save them for a rainy day, I suppose. Would you like some water? Some drugs? Something to eat?"
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Frowning, Alanna buries her face in the pillow again so he can't see her expression.
"No." She continues to sound disgruntled, and wonders at it. All week she has been like this. She knows why. It's just that she's been too busy to give it much thought. "I'm not hungry or thirsty."
And yet, her stomach rumbles.
"I'm just happy to be free of court for a while."
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"Whatever you say, then. You're supposed to be relaxing."
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"I very rarely do what I'm supposed to do," she mumbles. "As you know. I just feel so-"
Wrinkling her nose, she waves her hand in the air.
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"That certainly clarifies it."
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Biting her lip, she turns over and stares mulishly at the opposite wall.
"Sorry."
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Eventually, "I'm angry. Angry, jealous and sad. By turns, I want to hit something or pull the pillow over my head. I can't stop thinking about it, and it's making me sick."
Sick and tired. She clutches her head for emphasis, still glaring at the wall.
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wasn't at all what Adam expected.
"About?"
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"It's ridiculous, really. Not worth mentioning."
She moves restlessly, trying to decide whether or not to look at him.
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The tone holds curiosity, concern.
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She doesn't want to worry him. However, nor does she wish to make him angry.
"I-"
Taking a deep breath, she rolls onto her back and stares at the ceiling, doing her best to reason it out. It's likely an impossible task.
Before long, two tears escape and roll down the sides of her face, getting her ears wet. She squeezes her eyes shut, mentally calling herself ten types of fool.
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Alanna shakes her head quickly, just in case he thinks that's what's bothering her.
"And I wondered about that, but I didn't want to say anything because it was stupid, and I know it was an accident. Believe me, I know. But before long, I started wondering about something else, and... I mostly hate myself for it."
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His voice trails off, confused, and he pulls her closer.
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Convinced he's going to yell, she holds on tight.
"Some small, traitorous part of me wanted to ask you to do the same for my brother."
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This time the voice is small, quiet. Because he knows what the answer would have been, and he knows that she knows as well.
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"Even though I knew it was wrong, I wanted to ask. So badly. I had a story all worked out. There was something Roger once said to me about sorcerer's sleep. And it could have worked!"
Swallowing, she turns her head and looks at him.
"But I knew it was wrong. Things happen as they should, and the gods would have been furious. And it would have been unfair to ask that of you."
Her voice breaks as she rolls over again. This would all be so much easier to accept if she couldn't see it so clearly in her head.
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