the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

*Humming quietly to herself, Alanna watches a small ball of purple light dance playfully above her fingertips. She has been up for hours, long before the sun, and had even managed to sneak out of bed before the healers arrived. As a result, her sword is now in bed with her, and she fully intends to practice lifting it later. Eyes disturbingly bright, she smiles and uses her gift to make the ball spin faster and faster. She hears boots in the hallway, and both looks forward to and dreads the next visit from a well-meaning friend.*

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*A well-meaning friend, perhaps, but how about a long-gone love? Okay, so perhaps a week and a half isn't long gone, but it feels like it to Adam. The fact that he slept but a few nights of that week and a half surely isn't helping. Upon entering, the first thing he sees isn't Alanna, but the purple light, and he frowns, exhausted.*

Are you sure you should be doing that?

*It takes her a moment to process that it's Adam speaking. She gasps, shaking her hand as if suddenly annoyed with the purple light. It disappears, and a wide, relieved smile crosses her face.*

I was just thinking about you.

Only just now? What were you thinking about the rest of the time I was gone?

*The frown is - partially, at least - replaced with a smile as he moves to sit beside her, taking her hand in his.*

*She opens her mouth and takes a breath as if she's going to say something, but gets a confused look on her face and glances down at their hands instead. Nervous, she chews on her lip for a moment before replying.*

Many things, but mostly you. Are you all right? You look tired.

*He moves to poke her in the side, pulling his hand back at the last moment.*

I was joking. M'alright. Didn't sleep much.

*Alanna flinches, not because he almost poked her, but because he pulled back. She nods, taking it for granted that he'll know she doesn't sleep well without him either.*

I missed you. *She looks up with a smile and brushes her thumb against the corner of his mouth.* Goddess, I don't know what to ask first.

*He smiles at her lightly and kisses the thumb, lifting a hand to instead run gently over the skin he was going to poke.*

Could ask about Thom.

Aye, I could. How much damage has been done? I assume he thinks I've deserted him once more.

*Wrinkling her nose, Alanna glances towards the window. She fidgets, playing with his fingers.*

It's not you he's upset with.

*Adam smiles wryly, and pulls a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.*

It's a list of questions- from Thom.

Oh.

*Taking the piece of paper and smoothing it in her lap, she gives it a perfunctory glance. Shaking her head swiftly, she lifts her gaze to his.*

How is everyone else? Liam? Bernard? I'm sure I've been fired, and rightfully so. Are they very angry?

*His eyebrows go up showing surprise that he doesn't really feel.*

Nobody's upset with you. They're all worried about you.

Are they?

*She clears her throat, wishing her voice didn't sound so small and hopeful.*

Did you... how was...

*Grumbling, she reaches out and curls one arm around her sword.*

How was what?

*He reaches out and places a hand on her that's not on the sword.*

Everything, I suppose. It seems like another world. Well, it is. You know what I mean.

*Alanna shakes her head again and leans back, biting her lip.*

Could you do me a favor?

Anything.

Anything? Drat, now I have to be more creative.

*Tugging on a large chunk of red hair, Alanna feels her face heat. She avoids his gaze for a moment, slowly pushing the sword out of the way.*

It's just... I had all these horrid thoughts. Stupid. *Flushing further, she taps her head.* But then there are many that weren't stupid. This is, of course, leaving out the thoughts that didn't make any sense at all. I only... *She smiles at him.* Will you just hurry up and kiss me?

*He leans down, then, and kisses her, softly, far more softly than he ever would have used to. But he puts into it all of his fears, all of his worries.*

I love you, Adam.

*Her voice catches. Eyes still closed, she runs her tongue along her lower lip and sighs.*

And I'm so sorry... I know you're frustrated, and things don't make much sense. But they will. Eventually. Of that I'm sure.

I'm not frustrated with you.

*Somehow, that seemed the most important thing to get out there.*

And I love you. And Thom... he really wants to help.

*Blinking rapidly, Alanna nods and settles back, fingers closing around the piece of paper again.*

I had many dreams while you were gone. When I could sleep, that is.

*Adam lays on the bed, spreading himself out next to her and wrapping an arm around her.*

What did you dream about?

*Although feverish, Alanna shivers and curls up against him. Her hand finds his again as she thinks.*

I was caught in a sandstorm. It raged and raged, and I rode as hard as I could, trying to make the oasis, but I just couldn't go fast enough. *She pauses.* I dream about the gods a lot. They are always angry, and it's as if I should know why, and they think I'm a bit dense for not realizing it. Some of them at least.

*He moves his other hand, sweeping a bit of hair from her forehead.*

I think it's just the-

*The what? The illness? The magic? The gods, keeping her sick, instead of letting her get well?*

They're dreams.

Adam, the dreams... *She swallows with some difficulty.* I suppose so. It was bad with Roger, but at least I knew who I was fighting.

*Turning her head, she gives him a small smile.*

There are other ones too. I wouldn't mind if those were true.

*He leans forward, laying a small kiss on her nose.*

What dreams are those?

Us, in the orchard usually. Family. Thom's there every now and then, and the angel.

*Suddenly intent upon making him understand her sincerity, she turns over and looks him in the eyes. A moment later, she rests her forehead against his.*

Adam, I want that. I mean, I knew before, but now...

I know.

*He squeezes her hand tightly, and leans forward for another kiss.*

*She kisses him slowly, deeply, wishing there was a way to put all of this behind them. Gently brushing her fingers along his cheek, she whispers.*

Everything will change. This, but also the way things were before. I... I'm sure Liam's doing a wonderful job.

*Adam shrugs, thinking it best not to go into such things right now. Especially given what happened to Raven.*

Change isn't necessarily bad.

No, it's not. *She gives him a small smile.* They don't really need me. But Jon, Tortall... and family, naturally... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've been thinking about resigning now. This mystery won't be solved anytime soon, and when it is, I have much to do. It's not fair to them.

*Adam bites his lip, right there.*

They'll wait for you, you know that.

Maybe, but should they? Is that best for the bar and the people who live there? I don't want to quit, and certainly not when I can't ensure that everything will be all right. But I hired Liam for a reason, Adam. Remember everything I said? I never intended to do that forever. This is home. My first duty is here. Our home is here, if you still wish it to be.

*Agitated, she picks it his sleeve.*

Besides, I would always pick up shifts if they needed me to.

I know. I just-

don't want you to give it up unless you're sure that's what you want to do. And maybe that would be better to leave until you're better.

It's not about what I want. If I had what I wanted, I could be in three places at once. *She frowns stubbornly.* It's about being responsible, and doing what's best for the other people involved.

*Still frowning, she kisses the spot he'd just bitten.*

Including you.

*Adam shrugs it off and nods, and pulls her a little closer.*

You know I'll stand behind whatever you decide.

*Taking a deep breath, Alanna closes her eyes and lets him pull her closer. She swallows, not at all sure what to say.*

I'll -

I'll think about it some more, and then write Bernard a letter. I think Archie could do it. *After another long pause, she looks up at them again.* What do you want, Adam?

*Adam shrugs, knowing his answer is too selfish, knowing he couldn't lie.*

*Alanna quirks an eyebrow, watching him closely.*

Please tell me.

*He purses his mouth, closing his eyes.*

I want you. I want you well. I don't want to have to share you with anybody in the bar or anybody here, but your comittment is part of what I love about you, and so I know that's ridiculous, but that's what I want. A life, a future, together.

I want that too. So much. It's not sharing me, you know. I love you.

*A bit dazed, she kisses him softly and smiles against his mouth.*

What about sharing me with children?

You know how I feel about that.

*If she didn't, the grin plastered on his face would surely tell her.*

*For a moment, her grin matches his. As it fades, she presses closer and hides her face against his shoulder.*

Okay then. We are agreed.

My head hurts.

How much sleep did you get while I was gone?

Actual sleep or sleep I was faking when the healers tried to smother me? Do you know, they honestly tried to smoke it out with incense? Sadly, very little changes.

*She bites her lip.*

Not much. There are odd moments when I'm neither asleep nor awake. And you?

Can't really say I slept much.

*He leans over, putting his other arm around her and pulling her close.*

You should rest.

*Nodding, she snuggles close. She knows she's lost weight though she feels as if the opposite is true. Pushing at her hair, she wonders how awful she must look and sighs.*

Aye, as should you. Later... we'll figure this out later.

*Reaching down to grab the blanket, he pulls it up over them with a yawn.*

We've all the time in the world.

*Alanna doesn't answer. She simply swallows, and for once in her life, wishes there were fewer blankets on her bed.*

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