the_lioness | (no subject)

Jon walks in to the stables slowly, trying to figure out what he is going to say. He approaches Mithros' stall, and leans against the door, enjoying the companionship between the 2 of them. Finally, he breaks the silence.

"Morning, Lioness."

*Surprised but pleased to hear his voice, she carefully sets the curry comb on a ledge in the stall and turns to face him with all the respect she failed to show him yesterday. Bowing low, she smiles hesitantly.*

Your Highness. *pause* I've been a brat lately, and for that I apologize. I shouldn't have said what I did, but I felt cornered.

Surprised, Jon accepts her bow with a deep nod. "I appreciate that, Alanna. For my part, I wasn't trying to attack you. I just wish you had told me. Isn't that what friends do?"

It is, and I meant to. I certainly didn't wish for you to find out that way. I think the issue was that we didn't get married, so I didn't truly expect everyone to act as if we had. *She shrugs, moving closer.* I'm sorry.

Jon sighs, then pulls Alanna in for a hug. He knows she needs reassuring. "I do understand truly."

He hugs her tightly, then pulls back and tips her chin up to look in her eyes. "And I truly do wish you the greatest happiness."

*Smiling, she wrinkles her nose and playfully pulls her chin away, standing on her toes to kiss his cheek.*

And I, you. *For a moment, she's content just to hug him, eyes shifting back to Mithros.* See? I take good care of him.

He rolls his eyes. "Yes, yes, he is the picture of health." Mutters "Still my horse. Excellent name."

*Laughing, she pokes his side and whistles. Mithros twists his neck and nods his head as he walks over.*

He likes it.

No accounting for taste, I suppose.

Jon strokes Mithros' nose and produces some sugar cubes from a pocket. He smiles at Alanna as Mithros lips them up.

"He is obviously a highly intelligent and discerning horse."

*She makes a noncommittal sound and watches them with a small smile.*

I thought you'd yell at me.

He sighs and looks at her. "I was planning on it, but then I saw your face. There's obviously a lot going on in your life right now and besides, when has yelling at you actually accomplished anything for me? It's satisfying in the moment, but then frustrating because I know you are going to do whatever it is anyway." He grins at her.

You have a point. Several, in fact.

*Grinning, she hands him a soft brush and retrieves the curry comb she had been using.*

Perhaps...

Maybe I'm a bit stubborn.

*She's teasing. Mostly.*

He raises his eyebrows at her as he accepts the brush and moves to Mithros' side.

"Maybe? I'm fairly certain. It's part of your charm."

*They brush his coat in silence for a few minutes. Mithros shifts his weight, and Alanna pauses to look at Jon over his back.*

I miss you, you know.

*She shrugs a little and keeps brushing.*

He looks at her in surprise. He reply right away, but after a minute or so, he looks at her over Mithros.

"I miss you, too. You have your own life here...it's so separate from home."

But I'm closer than I would be had I not found Milliways. Relatively speaking. *She smiles, circling the brush over a spot of dirt.* Imagine if I was off roaming Galla, or some other far off land not on our maps. It would take months for me to reach you.

*Pausing, she licks her lips.*

Separate? I suppose. That will not necessarily always be the case, however.

"That is true. And I'm glad of it. I can't help but worry about you when you are that far."

He cocks an eyebrow at her. "What do you mean?"

*Clearing her throat, Alanna resumes her brushing, eyes on the rich red of Mithros' coat.*

Just that-

I'm going to talk to Myles about taking a more active role at Olau. About us taking a more active role, as I think Adam will grow to love it as I do. *She sighs and looks up.* Jon, if not for Thom, my oaths and a debt to be repaid, I would not stay. Well, unless Adam wished it.

I think I know what he wishes, but one day he'll tell me himself.

We have a way back to the bar, and thus a way back to you easily enough. A way for me to work here, and be with Thom if he still wishes it. In the future, of course. But there's no reason not to get more involved there in the meantime.

It's all rather huge, but for the first time in forever, I can see the future clearly. And I like what I see.

Jon nods slowly as she speaks, a warm feeling filling him. He smiles at her.

"I am very happy to hear that, Alanna, and that you are so happy." His voice softens a bit. "I don't think I realized how much I missed having you around until Midwinter. There was no one I wanted to tell more about Thayet than you, and having you there, that entire time, was wonderful."

His smile grows into a grin. "Besides, I need someone around to make sure I'm not mucking things up completely and to keep my big head in check."

*A completely alien feeling of calm settles over Alanna as she looks at him and smiles.*

You are and always will be a wonderful king, Jonathan. Don't forget that. Not even when I yell at you or call you a buffle-brained idiot.

I don't know. It's odd.

I don't feel like I have to run to keep up anymore. I like it. I need to be here, for Thom and Liam and Alex, but I also... I also need to be there.

Jon nods. "I think it means you're growing up. I get that same feeling when I think about being King. I'm not terrified the way I was when...when Father died."

He pauses for a moment, then looks over at Alanna. "There are so many things I want to do, so many changes I want to make. And I could really use your help."

*Growing up. Those words make her happy.*

I-

I'd like that. Thayet has good ideas as well. The school, and some others I've heard her mention.

I still like to roam. I still want adventures. But I think I've realized that one need not seek out the farthest corner of the world to satisfy those urges.

*She keeps brushing, eyes clouding over with tears as she thinks of something.*

George and I... I don't think we'll ever be the friends we once were. We've drifted apart, and I only seem to hurt him when we do talk. I love him, Jon, just as I love you. And that hurts. but maybe it's better for him if we aren't the best of friends any longer.

Jon sucks in his breath at this. He knows how much George loves Alanna, but he also knows how much Alanna loves Adam. He reaches across Mithros and clasps Alanna's shoulder.

"I think you have to do what is right for you. George...will understand. With time." I hope.

*Swallowing, she nods and drops the brush back in the bucket, moving under Mithros' neck to hug Jon. Of everyone she knows, Jon will best understand how hard this George situation is for her to face.*

I don't care about me. I just want to stop hurting him so. And I wonder if he really wanted me or if I was just safe. He certainly never pushed, never seemed jealous, never... I don't know. It was odd to feel slightly smothered and yet not at all pursued at the same time. He needs someone who can give him the attention he deserves. Not that I don't pay Adam a great deal of attention and love him to distraction, but it's different.

*She curses.*

I don't know how to explain it.

Jon hugs her tightly. "You can't worry about how George is feeling. You can't control his emotions - you can only control your own." He gives her a squeeze. "You don't have to explain to me. I know you will do the right thing. You always do."

I try, Jon. I do. But these days I wonder if right and wrong are as clearly divided as I've always thought. Black and white? Or are there muddled gray areas?

It is something to consider, at any rate.

*She sniffs, happy that this, at least, is as it should be. Perhaps George will find someone else to love, and they can have this as well. In time.*

I promise, Jon. I'll always be there for you when you need me. Always.

Jon gives her a final squeeze. "Now that I know, Alanna. And I will always be there for you."