the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

*It's getting late, and Alanna yawns as she opens the door. Humming to herself, she takes a bath and thinks long and hard about whether or not she really wants to don the spandex suit. As much as she longs to see the look on Adam's face, she is awfully tired. Settling on one of his large shirts instead, she curls up under several blankets in the middle of the bed to read the book Bernard gave her and absently pet both dragon and cat.*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*Wrinkling her nose, she pokes him in the side.*

I know you too well to let that go. What happened?

Somebody I hadn't seen in a while showed up tonight.

*There's a long, awkward silence.*

Have I ever told you about Paul?

*Alanna blinks, paling slightly.* Paul?

Paul Paul?

*Clearing her throat, she shakes her head.* No, you haven't.

*Adam nods, biting his lip in that spot.*

When I came here, I was-

*He laughs, a little bitter.*

Paul was my first boyfriend. My first ... anything.

*Caught off guard, Alanna feels her eye twitch and rests her head on his shoulder.*

Oh.

*She frowns, hating the way her breath shortens when she actively tries to keep it normal. Swallowing, she nods and lifts her head again.*

And he came back.

*Adam nods, and rolls, staring up at the ceiling.*

I guess there's nothing quite like your first boyfriend showing up to show you quite how much you've changed.

*He purses his lips.*

I don't feel that different.

I-

I might know how you feel. A bit, anyway. It was that way with me when George arrived. Not Jon or Liam, but George? Gods, yes.

*Alanna bites down hard on her lip and follows his gaze to the ceiling. Puff moves closer and stares at her, and for a moment Alanna misses Faithful so fiercely that she gets choked up.

Paul.

Mithros. Ah, well. Life would be boring if it made perfect sense all the time.*

You don't notice it as it happens. Change is gradual.

I know you say it doesn't matter what I was. But I wasn't-

I'm not-

*That certainly gets her attention. She turns over and throws one leg over his, kissing him soundly.*

It doesn't matter. You are you, and I love you for that.

You should know, though. So that you don't find out from somebody else.

*Alanna nods slowly, face steadily reddening. She's anxious and not at all convinced she really wants to hear this, but she's not going anywhere.*

Okay, Adam. You know I'll listen to whatever you want to say.

*Perhaps not happily, but she'll listen.*

*His voice is rough and ragged, as if he's fighting to get the words out.*

When I left here, for a while, I didn't want to go home. And I couldn't- couldn't really stay at Uni. Paul and I'd broken up, and I didn't-

*He takes a deep breath.*

I didn't want to use my powers to live. And I didn't really like myself very much. And so I-

I guess I was what a proper gentleman would call a call boy, or an escort, but there was nothing proper about me.

*It takes her a moment to figure out what he means. Frowning, Alanna doesn't even notice when she starts gently stroking his arm, up and down, trying to soothe him and possibly herself as well. It's hard to hear such things and not flinch. She twitches a bit at the sound of her own voice as it turns raspy.*

You did what you felt you had to do. There's no shame in that.

I- I'm not as unfamiliar with it as most court ladies, that's for certain.

*Adam shrugs. What he felt he had to? Or what he felt he deserved? In the end, does it matter?*

I should've told you before. Before all-

*Alanna shakes her head and kisses his nose, then his mouth.*

No. It doesn't change anything. I just hate that you hurt so.

*He wants to kiss her back.

And so he does.*

I have nobody to blame but myself. I chose to leave. I chose to do that.

And then I chose to come back, and I chose to follow Aziraphael, instead of running away again.

*It almost - almost - sounds like he's proud. Or at least sure he made the right decision.*

I'm glad you did.

*Relaxing a little, she continues petting him.*

Sometimes you have to make several wrong choices to recognize the right ones.

*Adam nods, and finally turns to look her in the eyes before kissing her.*

*She gives him a long look and smiles.*

Not that I've ever run away or anything. Certainly not.

*Shifting the covers, she moves closer and bites her lip, oddly hesitant.*

When I was about fifteen, I went to see George one night, but he wasn't at the Dove. It surprised me, because he was always there when I needed him. The thieves knew me well enough by then, but they always heckled me for being so serious all the time, and it got worse that night because George wasn't around to stop them with a look or teasing word of his own.

*She pauses, tugging her hair over her shoulder and blushing.*

They went after me that night, prying into my affairs and challenging me to avail myself of one of the ladies who follow the Rogue.

*Adam goes back to gnawing on his lip. He raises a hand to run down her cheek.*

What did you do?

*Leaning into his touch, she closes her eyes briefly, reliving the scene. She can almost hear the laughter and the sound of tankards crashing together as the thieves pushed her back and forth and then into a young girl as terrified as she had been.*

It wasn't the first time I'd been teased in such a fashion. My own friends didn't understand why I hid from women and loathed playing up to Delia. I was called a woman-hater, and all manner of things. I suppose I did stand out like a sore thumb in that regard.

*She takes a deep breath and looks at him, eyes glazed over.*

Usually, I just got angry. But only an idiot would pick a fight over something so inconsequential in a room full of the Realm's worst thieves and murderers, friend of George or not. I bit back the scathing words and kept my hands far from my dagger. Finally and to my shame, I caved under the pressure where I never had before. Not even when Ralon got on my case about swimming. But I could let my temper lose on him. I couldn't there. I told myself it just made my masquerade more believable.

But then I found myself in a dirty room with a girl who couldn't have been much older than me. At first, she was nice, but when I didn't move or respond to her overtures, she started questioning my masculinity and demanding that I let her make a man out of me.

*Alanna snorts.*

Oh, if she'd only known. *pause* I panicked, Adam. She ran her hand down my hip, and I panicked. Before I knew what I was doing, I lashed out. Not hard, but enough to send her reeling. Furious, I yelled at her, and she shut right up. In the end, I paid for her, all right. I bought her silence.

I've never told anyone that. I've done things I'm not proud of either.

*He kisses her lightly, and runs a hand down her side and slightly under the hem of his too large for her shirt.*

I'm just sorry that you hurt so.

*He echoes her own words back at her.*

*She shivers, kissing him between whispers and moving her legs restlessly against his.*

I don't hurt now. Not with you.

You're amazing, you know.

Not half as much as you.

*He kisses her more deeply now, raising the shirt up and over her head.*

*Smiling, she lets her fingers get lost in his hair as she gazes up at him with obvious adoration. Unable to resist, she arches up a bit and snickers.*

I'm not the one still managing to look so sexy in a pair of pink and fuzzy boxers.