the_lioness | (no subject)

(no subject)

*Several days after the ill-fated conversation with Adam and Jack, the tension starts to get to Alanna. She hasn't seen Adam, has no idea what he is thinking and would really like to clear everything up. On the other hand, she's still rather upset. As a result, she has been spending a great deal of time in one of the bar's back booths, scowling at the crowd.

If anyone dares to comment on the fact that it's Adam's favored booth, well... she has just been keeping it warm for him.

It is for this reason that Alanna spies Adam enter and collect something from Bar before walking out to the lake. She sits completely still for a few minutes, eyes unfocused. Eventually, she grits her teeth and follows, abandoning all attempts to remain quiet halfway to where he sits. She plops down beside him, staring at the lake.*

Hi.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

*Adam's been a bit too embarrassed and a bit too nervous to come back the last few days, instead busying himself with work at the shop. He hears her coming - knows she would, anyway - and doesn't turn to look when she sits.*

Hi.

*Alanna opens her mouth to say something and hurriedly shuts it, her teeth clanking together. She winces, rubbing her jaw. A minute later, she tries again.*

Are we going to talk about what happened or not? *She digs her fingers into the sand, sighing.* What was that, Adam?

*He lays back, putting his hands over his eyes.*

What was what?

*He knows very well what she's talking about. Doesn't actually make him want to talk about it any more.*

*Pulling her knees in close, Alanna scowls.*

What do you think? Don't be an ass. *pause* Please? I don't want to have to wallop you.

*She might be joking. Possibly.*

I-

I'm sorry.

"It's all he's got to say, really.*

*She nods once, biting the inside of her cheek until it bleeds.*

Good. But what are you sorry for? Do you have any idea... *She trails off.*

Do I have any idea what?

I'm sorry I upset you. I'm sorry I let our little secret out. I'm sorry I made you tell me.

*Alanna's eyes go wide as she turns to him in shock.*

Do you have any idea how bloody frustrating it was to be put in that position and not be able to just say, "Yes, Jack. I've promised not to run off with you again, so he does speak for me... in a manner of speaking." And I couldn't say it because you would have gotten upset with me, but lo. You did that anyway, and I've no idea why.

Our little secret?

Because I would have gotten upset? Why didn't you? Are you really that ashamed of me?

Why I did it? Because I deserved to know. Because- *he cuts himself off*

I WAS upset. AM upset. Ashamed of you? YOU are the one that was so adamant about keeping this a secret. YOU. Do you think I like feeling this way?

*Shaking, Alanna rolls to her feet, unable to stay still, and paces back and forth before him. She is briefly reminded of the day she stood before the entire Court and accused Roger of treachery. The look on her face is certainly similar.*

You deserved to know? Did you intend to tell me about Goldy? Have you told me about the other woman I saw? Have I asked? No. Because that was before, and this is now, and things are very different, Adam.

*She flinches, looking down at him.* All you had to do was ask me. I wouldn't have lied to you. WHY did it have to be THEN? Because why Adam?

Adament? ADAMENT? I said it ONCE. And you agreed with me. So don't give me adament.

*His hands are clenched so tightly that his knuckles are white, and he can't look at her, for fear of losing it, whatever that fabled it may be.*

Why? WHY? Because I was fucking jealous, okay?

*Paling, she stops pacing and glares at the ground.*

What else was I supposed to say? Huh? And it wasn't just the one time. It was every time I got too close, and you'd look around and pull away. The sneaking... the... *She takes a deep breath and bites back a curse.* I don't like lying. I don't like feeling as if I'm an embarrassment, or not worthy somehow. Because I am. I don't like being made to feel as if this is something I should be embarrassed about. Because it's not.

Maybe we both agreed, but we... Mithros.

*Blinking, she focuses on his face.*

Really?

*His voice raised, he's almost yelling.*

Yes, really. What the hell else would it be?

*He hangs his head in his hands. You're not an embarrassment. You're not not worthy. You're-

Shit.

*Alanna sits down heavily, eyes glazed over as she thinks.*

I'm not like most girls, especially not the court gossips. I hate that, Adam. Always have. I'm not going to go blabbing about private things to anyone who will listen.

*She lifts one shoulder in a shrug.* Just thought you should know. That's one of many reasons why that was so bloody hard. *Jack, the sneaking... all of it. She swallows.* I'm just... really confused. One minute I'm concerned about how you're going to react to Archie all but figuring it out, and the next you're basically telling Jack, but I can't figure out if you're doing it to push me, or him, or what.

I don't-

*He shakes his head, still in his hands.*

I don't even know. I just totally lost it.

I might have done the same, save for all the rum.

*Trying to calm down, she pulls up a blade of grass and tears it to shreds.

It's not really helping.*

What do you want, Adam?

You know what I want. I've told you.

*Not that that means it hurts to repeat it.*

You.

*softly* I want you too, Adam.

*Elbow digging into her knee, Alanna rests her cheek on her palm and gives him a sideways glance. She flushes.*

That's not quite what I meant.

*He can feel her eyes on him, but is still to embarrassed to lift his head.*

What'you mean, then?

*Feeling herself start to blush, she flops back in the grass and sighs.*

What do you think? This. Us? I'm still confused.

*She makes a face even though he can't see it, and stares at the sky.*

*He rolls backwards again, facing the sky. His words are muttered.*

Called you my girlfriend, didn't I? You didn't say anything. Thought-

*he shrugs*

*Startled, she blinks owlishly at him.*

It seemed like a slip! I didn't say anything because I... I thought you'd made a mistake, and if I called attention to it you'd feel trapped, or something. Get angry.

You meant that?

*Using her elbows, she slowly crawls closer.*

Yeah, a mistake. 'Course I meant it.

*He's still looking up, but his tone of voice says "DUH".*

Oh.

*Smiling, she rolls back over, resting her head on her crossed arms.*

I wanted you to mean it.

Then why didn't you say so?

*He sighs, and thunks his head against the ground.

GIRLS.*